Found simultaneously crushed and sliced to death beneath several thousand LP records today was a Mr. Jansen, age unknown, in a shabby apartment wondrously decorated with kitsch from bygone eras in the lower east side of Vancouver. Police say that this pathetically lonely but devastatingly handsome 6'1” male had one arm dislocated in an upward stretch position, apparently reaching for an obscure Yma Sumac recording when the dilapidated housing of said records gave way and took this tragically-undiscovered artist's strange and sad life.
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